Most beginners have strong ideas about what they want to happen. They want to become calmer, or happier, or they want their mind to stop. These things might happen, but then again they might not. If it happens this time it might not happen next time. Sometimes you become happy. Sometimes you end up noticing how anxious you are. Sometimes you become calm. Sometimes you only seem to become more restless. You can't predict what will happen.
But one thing should happen every time you sit. By the end of your sit, even a short one, you should be be more sensitive than you were when you started. By which I mean, you should have come to be aware of something that you were previously not conscious of at all.
Perhaps, after sitting for a while, you notice muscular tension around your mouth, or in your shoulders. It was there before you sat but only now, in the quiet of meditation, do you actually start to feel it.
Or perhaps, after sitting for a while, you really notice your breathing. In and out. You breathe all day but most of us, most of the time, pay no heed. But now you feel it, along with everything else you feel and see and hear. It becomes part of your conscious awareness.
You don't have to meditate for a long time. You don't need to make a big effort. But in every sit you should become just a bit more sensitive; you will start to feel something you were ignoring before. This might seem trivial, but it is hugely important.
When we think about philosophy, or the truth, or the nature of reality, we habitually think about some kind intellectual truth. We want an understanding which is all about the mind. When the mind believes "I understand", I feel happy; and when the mind believes "I don't understand", I feel anxious.
And we bring this reliance on intellectualism to our meditation. We chase the mental notion of understanding, and confuse this with knowing reality. But reality and truth are both bigger than the mind. Reality and truth are not there to be understood. They are there to be felt.
So always, when you sit, don't worry about the mind. Don't worry if you don't understand. In fact, it's better to feel like you don't understand, even if that is an unpleasant feeling. Do not waste time chasing after intellectual understanding. Your life is not like a crossword puzzle, something for the brain to solve. It is far richer than the mind, alone, can contain.
Knowing reality is not a question of becoming smarter. It's about becoming more sensitive.
We will hold a meditation morning on Saturday 19 August, 10am to 1pm, in Ranelagh. All are welcome.